I Used To Be Me

I used to be happy with what I was doing. I used to be so passionate with my work. I had this burning desire to exceed everyone’s expectations and be better at everything that I do. I was so happy and so fulfilled that I never really bothered asking why my overtime wasn’t paid. I was so eager to learn everything and master the skills needed in my job. But that used to be me. Now, the only reason that I stay are my friends. But it seems so wrong; getting stuck in a job that you don’t really want to do. I know that I can do more. I know that I can be more productive. But how do I get there without taking that first step to finally get my old self back?

I want to feel that old desire again. If anyone would ask me how badly I want to get that position back? I’d say that I’d kill for it. That’s how bad I want that job back. But all the things that had happened to me in the past couple of months made me doubt myself, staying in this job makes me feel even worse every day. So I’m going to pursue my old dream: the one that I had before I started working. Maybe I can get my old self back if I do that. But I guess some people would not understand. If only they could just hear my other self just screaming “I AM SO EFFIN TIRED OF THIS CRAP AND I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS NOW!” maybe then they would take this one seriously. Maybe we should have another drinking session and let that other person out so that he can breathe a little (Haha!). I thought that alcohol brings the worse in people; but now, I believe that alcohol just lets out the other side of you that you always try to hide.

I will now follow what Molly said when we talked: I have to value myself. I have to live my life the way that I want it to be. I’ll still help my sister out. But this time, I have to give myself the chance to be happy.

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